Thursday, January 26, 2012

The 1%

All last week I felt like I was on a death watch.  Just waiting for my next ultrasound so I could see that the last baby had stopped growing, waiting for the next step, waiting for it to be over.

I was 99% certain that Baby A was not going to make it.  I prepared myself emotionally for the worst.  I felt a black cloud hanging over me.  I felt like when people looked at me they knew what was going on and I wanted to defend myself.  "It's not my fault!  I did everything I could!  I followed all the rules!  I didn't want this to happen!"

When I went to the ultrasound on Wednesday I was ready to hear the bad news that I was 99% certain I was going to hear.  I tried to shut out that little voice that said "But maybe?  What if? Could there still be hope?"

The ultrasound started and right away I thought I saw a little flicker of movement.  Then nothing.  I must have imagined it.  The technician worked for a while without saying anything.  I watched the screen closely.  There it was again!  Movement!  And suddenly a lot of movement!  The technician laughed and said "That one is letting us know its still ok."

And oh, she's so ok.  She moved and wiggled and bounced around for the rest of the ultrasound.  Her heartbeat is good and her gestational sac, while a little on the small side, is still in the normal range.  She's a little fighter and I feel like she's going to beat the odds.  She blew away that 99% of uncertainty and sadness.  Every time she wiggled I felt a little happier and a little lighter.

You guys?  I think she's gonna make it.  I think in 30 weeks or so my IPs are going to have the baby they've been wanting for the last 15 years.  Eeeeeeeeee!

15 comments:

Shannon (Used to be Charming Bitch) said...

Oh, Jen. Oh my grief and goodness. How freaking wonderful and amazing and awesome and terrific and oh wow, just...YAY!!! xoxo

Shannon said...

That is fantastic news!!! Sending healthy happy thoughts your way!

Andrea said...

That is amazingly good news!!! I will keep you guys in my thoughts as things continue to progress toward a happy, healthy new family!

JM said...

Well isn't that just fantastic! The little embryo that could :) Are you allowed to share what the details behind all of this are? I must admit, my curiosity is piqued.

The Laundress said...

Oh sweet. I hope the best for you! Best news I've read all day!!!

Stimey said...

I can only imagine how amazing that must have been to be in that room. So happy for you and your IPs.

kate said...

That is such terrific news. I will keep you in my thoughts and hopes.

M said...

Oh how wonderful!!!!

LibraryGirl62 said...

SO very much awesome! Good thoughts, prayers and love :)

Swistle said...

So happy! I love JM's "The little embryo that could"!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful, super fantastical!! My heart is dancing with joy for all of you!!! I will continue sending good thoughts and healthy energy!!

Love to all of you!!

Your MIL

Judy

DawnA said...

I am so very glad for you and the IPs!! What wonderful news for you all.

Emily said...

Wow!!!!!! I don't know how to express my excitements! So happy for your IPs!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful news! All us lurkers out here who never comment are pulling for all of you!!

Veronika said...

Wow Jen, I'm so glad for all of you! Here's hoping for uneventful months ahead and a healthy babe at the end.